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“There’s no magic to it…”

The point, the bit I live for, is the rare moment of satisfaction when a smell or a quality of sadness comes into perfect verbal focus. That’s how my family know the day has gone well: I have a lightness which comes from the absence of panic, the knowledge that, for once, I did what I’m best at doing.

I was much relieved to realise that the first paragraph of Charlotte Mendelson’s ‘My Writing Day’ entry for the Guardian was a wind-up. On the other hand, the final paragraph, quoted above, feels perfectly genuine.

My micro life: 10:42pm, 12 April 2016

Chris Miles can currently be seen in the middle distance of the little-known Hieronymous Bosch triptych ‘Waiting for the 86 tram’.

My micro life: 6:35pm, 9 April 2016

My favourite light and appetising pop star is Peter Entrée.

My micro life: 9:09pm, 24 March 2016

I reckon even George Clooney forgets he was once Batman.

My micro life: 9:52pm, 23 March 2016

I have reluctantly accepted that I’ve reached a stage in my life in which I no longer know what different iPads there are.

My micro life: 10:25pm, 18 March 2016

I have, in the course of this evening, been forced — by circumstances beyond my control — to broaden my definition of ‘chocolate’.

My micro life: 1:05pm, 16 March 2016

My favourite column in ‘Mermaid’s Weekly’ is ‘Mere Mermale’.

My micro life: 9:46am, 10 March 2016

‘Sound of Kubaz informant notifying Empire of presence of droids at Mos Eisley’ has become my signature morning fart.

My micro life: 9:25am, 7 March 2016

Decided not to run for the train so as to spare its passengers from being in close quarters with a hyperventilating man-shaped blancmange.

My micro life: 10:51am, 5 March 2016

It’s muggier out there than the mug showfloor at Muggy Meg ‘Crazy For Mugs’ Muggleton’s Mug Emporium.

My micro life: 9:50am, 4 March 2016

Always the bridesmaid, never the brideshousekeeper.

My micro life: 9:28am, 3 March 2016

Wanted to cross the road before the green signal but there was a guide dog in training next to me and I didn’t want to give it bad habits.

My micro life: 3:56pm, 2 March 2016

This oil bath* is going to feel so good. (* water shower)

My micro life: 4:51pm, 22 February 2016

Just saw a golfer employing the services of a self-propelling buggy. Just removing literally the only strenuous part of golfing there.

My micro life: 2:14pm, 19 February 2016

I wish I’d remembered, prior to going in for a big cuddle with him, that my dog had earlier today enjoyed a bit of a nosh on some chunder.

My micro life: 9:27am, 18 February 2016

It’s almost as though with each release of Internet Explorer the team at Microsoft reads a different 62% of the current CSS specification.

A non-exhaustive list of my problematic Daves

  • Dave Chauvinist
  • Dave Animal Cruelty
  • Dave Gun Lobbyist

My micro life: 8:45pm, 20 January 2016

From an earnest business conversation overheard on the 86 tram: “There are many ice-cream tribes in the ice-cream universe.”

My micro life: 9:09pm, 8 January 2016

The energy I gained from eating the first three-quarters of a large pizza enabled me to then eat the last quarter of the same large pizza.

My micro life: 6:08pm, 8 January 2016

My favourite kung-fu themed wholefoods store is probably ‘Polenta The Dragon’.